The loss of a baby or child is one of the most painful and life-altering experiences a parent can go through. When a colleague returns to work after such a loss, it’s not always easy to know what to say or how to act. But your support can make a world of difference.
Understanding the Impact of Child Loss
The death of a baby or child is often described as the “ultimate loss.” It is the loss of a future, a role as a parent, and the life that was imagined. Grief after this kind of loss can be deeply disorienting and long-lasting.
Returning to work is a major step. While some parents may need extended time off, others might choose to return sooner for structure, routine, or distraction from their grief. Either way, they’re likely still in the midst of their healing process.
How Grief Can Affect Work Life
Grief can affect every aspect of a person’s wellbeing, including their ability to function at work. It’s common for bereaved parents to feel:
- Tired or emotionally drained
- Disconnected or overwhelmed by small tasks
- Distracted or forgetful
- Anxious in social situations
- Unsure about how their colleagues will respond
Some may try to hide their emotions to avoid making others uncomfortable. But the most supportive workplaces are those where grief is acknowledged and space is given for it.
How You Can Help
1. Acknowledge the Loss
Don’t ignore what happened. Even a simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss” can go a long way. It shows your colleague that you care and are willing to hold space for their grief.
2. Offer Practical Support
Grieving parents often struggle with day-to-day tasks. If possible, offer to ease their workload — but always ask first. Avoid making assumptions or decisions on their behalf.
3. Be Present, Not Perfect
You don’t need to have the “right” words. Just being there and checking in is enough. Grief can feel very isolating, so your presence is powerful.
4. Respect Their Boundaries
If you have a child of a similar age or are expecting, it’s thoughtful to check in with your colleague about what they’re comfortable with. Every person is different — some may want to engage, others may need space.
What to Expect
Grief shows up differently for everyone. Some parents may seem okay one day and overwhelmed the next. Common experiences include:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Physical symptoms (fatigue, insomnia, aches)
- Emotional highs and lows
- Social withdrawal or irritability
This is all normal. Healing takes time — often longer than people expect. What matters most is that your colleague knows they’re not alone.
Red Nose is committed to supporting families navigating the complexities of the loss of a baby or child. To access our specialised bereavement support including: counselling, peer support programs, support groups, and resources tailored to individual needs, click here.
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