Viewing this page probably means you’ve lost your beautiful bub — We’re so sorry.
The loss of a bub at any stage in pregnancy can be really sad and have an impact on parents.
After weeks of dreaming, imagining and planning it is also the loss of those hopes and dreams for the future.
To feel sad and empty at this time is understandable.
Your Journey With Bub Matters in This Hard Time. You Will Be Cared For Safely, With Kindness and Respect.
It might be hard to think straight or remember details right now. That’s normal, grief does that. There might be lots of healthcare staff coming in, yarning with you. When you’re in Sorry Business, making decisions can be real hard, especially when it’s to do with bub.
You may have been asked to think about investigations to understand why bub was stillborn, including autopsy. That can sound scary if you don’t know what this means, or have never heard of this before. You might have questions or worries about this — most families do. This is one of the hardest decisions for families when they’ve lost bub.
Not every bub when passed away needs to be looked at in the same way. It will depend on different circumstances. Your healthcare team will give you information.
Once you had time to think and talk it over, you decide what’s best. Keep yarning with your healthcare team, they will look after you
“It was hard making decisions. My Aboriginal Health Worker made sure we were looked after in hospital. She reminded us to take our time, which helped us make decisions we actually wanted.”
Your culture and ways of knowing, being and doing is important and valued in this journey. Don’t be afraid to speak up. There’s no shame job in saying what you need for yourself and bub. You will be supported.
You might think about:
- Who needs to be in the room to help make decisions. Mum, Dad, Aunt?
- Would you like to talk with an Elder, family member or someone in community?
- Anything during Sorry Business that needs to be considered?
- Are there special items you want to stay with bub, like gum leaves or feathers from Country?
Having all the information makes you stronger to make best decisions for bub
Losing Bub is a Hard Time. No Need to Bottle Up Emotions
Care for yourself, have a yarn, sharing thoughts and worries with your healthcare team, family, other supports including cultural and Elders.
View our video from a Perinatal Pathologist. She yarns about different types of autopsy and investigations and how bub is treated.
*Please take care, this Video may be distressing for some, there is no need to watch if it’s too much.
Watch our Parents of Loss video with comments from other parents on choices they made.
Guiding Conversations
View a copy of Guiding Conversations with your health care team when your baby dies. This guide comes with our heartfelt thoughts, as a message of support to you at this difficult time.
The guide aims to help you think about what is important for you as a parent of your baby, the questions and concerns you have, and to work out what may be right for you.
We know the intense grief that parents experience when their baby dies and hope this guide can provide gentle information to support you both in hospital and at home.
Know That You Are Not Alone. You Are Supported in Your Decision Making
“Hospital staff were talking about investigations and tests for bub. I couldn’t make decisions alone. My partner, Mum and Aunt needed to be with me to decide.”
Some questions you might have when considering investigations or autopsy:
- Will I definitely find answers?
- How long do I have to make decisions?
- What is an autopsy?
- What is a babygram?
- Where will bub be taken?
- How long will they be gone and who will take care of bub?
- What happens during an autopsy or other investigations (eg MRI)?
- Can I see bub afterwards and what will they look like?
- When can I expect the results?
Families often have many questions after losing bub. Some families want to look into why this might have happened.
If you do, your healthcare team can support you. If you do choose an autopsy, a Perinatal Pathologist (a trained medical professional) will do this. They take the best care of your bub.
Download the brochure version of this page, “Understanding What Happened to Bub”.
Need Immediate Support? Select the Option That’s Right For You
Talk to Someone in Person
To speak to someone now, call our 24/7 Support Line
1300 308 307
Talk to a Person Online
We will chat with you online, and connect you with further support options if you need.
Join a Support Group
We offer online and face-to-face Support Groups where grieving parents and families can connect with others who have experienced a similar loss.
Red Nose is committed to supporting families navigating the complexities of the loss of a baby or child. To access our specialised bereavement support including: counselling, peer support programs, support groups, and resources tailored to individual needs, click here.
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