How to Support an Employee After the Death of a Child

Losing a baby or child is one of the most devastating experiences a person can face and supporting an employee through this can be challenging for you as well. When an employee is grieving, it can be hard to know what to do or say. But your support, especially from the workplace, can make a big difference.

This guide helps employers, managers, and HR teams understand how to respond with care, compassion, and flexibility.

Understanding Grief After the Death of a Child

Grief is not the same for everyone. It can affect every part of a person’s life and show up as sadness, anger, confusion, forgetfulness, or even physical pain. Some people want to talk, while others may need quiet.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and there’s no timeline. What matters most is being kind, patient, and respectful.

What to Do in the First Few Days

1. Make Contact with Care

A simple, heartfelt message can go a long way. Acknowledge the child’s death and let the employee know you are thinking of them. Be clear that there is no pressure to talk or return to work until they are ready.

Ideas:

• Send flowers or a card on behalf of your workplace
• Make a donation in the child’s name
• Offer to attend the funeral, if appropriate
• Let them know their workload is being taken care of

2. Communicate With Sensitivity

Ask the employee how they’d like you to share the news with others at work. Respect their privacy and wishes.

Have a Bereavement Guideline in Place

A clear, flexible bereavement policy helps both the employee and the organisation. If your workplace doesn’t have one, now is the time to consider creating or updating it.

Things to include:

• Extra bereavement leave beyond the standard 3 days
• Access to other types of leave (sick, annual, unpaid, long service)
• The option for colleagues to donate leave
• Use of the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for all staff
• Managerial discretion for flexibility
• Offer practical help like organising meals or errands

Supporting Your Employee While They Are Away

Stay gently connected during their time off, if they’re comfortable with it. It’s helpful to have one main contact person from the workplace to avoid overwhelm.

Check in occasionally and let them know they are still part of the team.

Helping Them Return to Work

Returning to work after a child has died is a huge step. It often brings anxiety and fear. With understanding and flexibility, you can make the process easier.

Create a Return-to-Work Plan

Work together with your employee to decide:

• When they’re ready to come back
• What hours or tasks feel manageable
• How much flexibility they might need (e.g. shorter days, remote work)
• Who can help cover their duties

Once They’re Back at Work

Show Ongoing Support

• Ask them what would help on their first day
• Offer a private space to retreat to if needed
• Be flexible if they need to leave early or take time off unexpectedly
• Acknowledge how hard it is just to show up — this matters

Communicate Clearly

• Let colleagues know (with the employee’s permission) that their co-worker is returning and may need support
• Encourage staff to be kind, sensitive, and patient
• Check if the employee is okay with people mentioning their child by name — this can be comforting

How to Talk (and What Not to Say)

Grief is deeply personal. Don’t try to “fix” the pain or offer advice unless asked.

Helpful:

• Listen without judgment
• Say the child’s name, if appropriate
• Respect their privacy
• Ask what they need

Avoid:

• Platitudes like “It was meant to be” or “They’re in a better place”
• Giving advice
• Comparing grief experiences
• Avoiding them completely

Support for Other Staff

Grief can affect the whole workplace. Other team members may also feel the impact, especially close colleagues or line managers. Offer them support too — through your EAP, peer conversations, or debrief sessions.

Keep Supporting Them Over Time

Grief doesn’t end after a few weeks. Special dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays can be particularly painful.

Continue to check-in and offer flexibility in the months and even years ahead. Kindness and empathy go a long way in building a compassionate workplace.

Look After Yourself Too

Supporting someone through grief can take a toll. Managers and teams should practise self-care to avoid burnout or ‘compassion fatigue’. Take time to debrief, rest, and seek support if needed.

Training and Support for HR and Managers

Red Nose Grief and Loss offers tailored training to help HR teams and managers support employees after the death of a child. We can help you develop practical tools, confidence, and policies that truly make a difference.