“Lochlan was born absolutely perfect at 37 weeks, and I was discharged from hospital the following day.
“Twelve hours later, Lachlan was dead.
“We were left with so many questions – how could our perfectly healthy baby die? How could we be discharged from hospital if anything was wrong?
“My baby died in my arms, and it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
We tried for two years to conceive Lochlan
“Steve and I tried for two years to have Lochlan, to the point where Steve didn’t want to come home if I was ovulating. When I finally found out I was pregnant at five weeks, the first thing he said was, ‘oh good I can come home tonight.’”
“To try for two years, and then lose Lochie less than two days after he was born, it’s just gut-wrenching.”
Getting the help we needed
“Three days after it happened, I knew I had to get up and out of the house. If I didn’t get up and leave the house that day, I would never have gotten up.
“I was left with postnatal depression after Lochlan’s death. I went on for nine months, until one day I turned to Steve and said, ‘I’m not OK’. And he said back, ‘I picked up on that, but I was waiting for you to tell me yourself’.
“If it wasn’t for Steve I don’t know if I’d be here today.
“Getting the help I needed has helped me keep going. I couldn’t even eat afterwards, and I got down to 42 kilos. I was having panic attacks and bouts of anxiety.
“Today I sometimes still have panic attacks and feel anxious, but through the support I received I know what to do to help myself through these times.
“I had a rainbow baby, Liam, after Lochlan. He is now 6 months old. He was a happy, beautiful surprise, and while he’s not a replacement, he has helped us get through the grief.”
Being put in touch with Red Nose
“I think it was the coroner who put us in touch with Red Nose so we could get hand and feet castings done. This was so important for us, it’s a part of Lochlan that we can always keep with us.
“The first thing we did after this was donate $250 to Red Nose so another family could also get hand and feet castings done.
Holding Red Nose Day fundraisers
“The lead-up to Red Nose Day is always incredibly hard. I’m glad I had the support of Steve and the kids, because it’s so unbelievably hard.
“It makes it a little bit easier holding a fundraiser. Especially when the community gets behind you and you can really raise awareness and help other people. Because it’s no longer just about us, it’s about the other couples and families who have also lost a baby.
“When you meet another mum who has lost a child and you see the pain in their eyes, it’s a pain that nobody else could ever really understand.
“No parent should ever outlive a child, no matter what the child’s age.
Nobody really knew what to say
“After Lochlan died, nobody really knew what to say. The worst thing was people asking how I was. Because I wasn’t OK.
“Some people simply said, ‘I don’t know what to say’. That was easier, because there is nothing you can say. So I said to them, ‘you can’t say anything but you can give me a hug’.
“Lochie’s funeral was held on Steve’s birthday, and now each year, Steve and I remember him by having a celebration.
Lochlan has touched our hearts forever
“On the way home from hospital Lochlan smiled up at me, almost like he knew he was only going to be here for a short while. He was just amazing, and so perfect.
“And even though he was only here for a short while, he has touched our hearts forever.
Helping others
“I hope by telling my story I can help other couples going through this, especially dads, because they go through the grief just as much as the mums, and they don’t have enough support. It’s really important that people are aware that dads are hurting too.
“My fundraising, I’d like to see it go towards hand and feet castings for other mums and dads, and I would love to see more support groups for dads. They desperately need more support.
“If I could say one thing to others, it would be: ‘hug your kids today and live for today, because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
“I’d like to say to anyone out there going through this, if you need to talk just reach out to me, and for the dads, reach out to Steve. Just make sure you get the support you need. And don’t stop living for today.”
Red Nose Grief and Loss provides free, specialised support for anybody impacted by the death of a child. Call our 24/7 Support Line on 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss.org.au
Host your own fundraiser to support grieving families
You too can host a fundraiser to raise vital funds to support grieving families this Red Nose Day. Learn more at www.rednoseday.org.au