I lost my little boy, Lachlan, 20 years ago. He was my third child after two little girls, aged one and four at the time.
Lachlan was born premature, and he was quite sick when he was born.
When I was 32 weeks’ pregnant with Lachlan, I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios, which is a rare condition where an excessive accumulation of amniotic fluid surrounds the baby in the uterus.
At the time, a scan showed that Lachlan was covered in fluid in my womb, meaning I had to deliver him quite quickly.
When this happened, there were actually no NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) beds available in Newcastle, where we live, so I was sent to the Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney.
Lachlan lived for just 24 days in the NICU after his birth.
He was on life support the entire time, and he needed constant supplies of bloody and platelet transfusions.
After some time, an MRI found he was not compatible with life, so we made the devastating decision to take him off life support. He passed away half an hour later.
For me, doing castings for other families is really important. After my own loss 17 years ago, my social worker at the time forget to organise our own castings, so it’s really important to me that the families I work with aren’t forgotten.
Castings are incredibly special to families, not just at the time, but years down the road, as it is something that parents and families can keep forever.
The castings program has been running in the Hunter since 2003, and it has changed a lot in that time.
When it first started, the impressions were made in Plaster of Paris. When I took over in 2007 we started doing the 3D moulds, and by 2013 we were responsible for the entire process – from the impressions, to the pouring and moulding.
The feedback we receive from families is that the castings often take pride of place in their homes, and it gives parents the opportunity to talk about their baby, especially with siblings and family members.
If the baby was their first child, it allows them to talk about him or her with the children that may follow. We talk a lot about continuing bonds when moving forward in grief, and this is an example of that.
It also gives the family something to hang up or display – some families can be hesitant to display a photo of their child, so a casting gives them a way to honour their child in this way.
Having the casting in your home also helps to open up communication with other family members and friends.
People find the death of a child really difficult to talk about, so it provides a talking point, and an opportunity to open up that communication process.
We do castings from 26 weeks’ gestation, and on average I do three castings a week, which is a big number when you think about it.
For me, I find the castings really humbling work, and it’s something that Red Nose can do to help families and honour their children.
Being a bereaved mum myself, I always make sure I take the time to ring the family after a casting to let them know about the special time I spent with their child.
People want to talk to someone who has had a loss and knows the experience they are going through, and this is something I also find in my work as a Red Nose peer supporter.
After Lachlan, I had my fourth child, another boy, who is now 16 and knows all about his big brother.
Every year we get together and have a birthday cake for Lachlan. What happened to Lachlan has always been an open conversation in our house, and our three living children know the importance of the past, and I think it has definitely made them into the kind, caring human beings that they are.
Lachlan is on my mind with all the families I talk to, when doing their castings or in my work as a peer supporter. My work is very much part of his legacy.
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