At special times (such as the anniversary of the death, birthdays, holidays, mothers’ day and fathers’ day) write and/or call your bereaved child and partner. Mention that you realise what day it is and perhaps just say, “I wanted you to know I was thinking of you and remembering____”
Holidays, birthdays and other family celebrations will never be the same again for you and your family. There will always be a child or children missing. It will not always be as difficult and painful as it is the first few years, but you will never again have the old normal. For our bereaved children we want to understand, empathise and above all, be aware of the special difficulty these days can bring for them.
To help yourself, as well as your bereaved children, consider changing some holiday traditions. Think of ways to remember and honour your grandchild in your family celebrations. For example, each person may say how they miss the child or talk about a certain thing they remember about him or her. You may want to light a candle or place a picture in a place of honour to commemorate the life of this special grandchild.
“We still celebrate Holly’s birthdays, the anniversary of her death, Christmas time. One year after Holly’s death, our daughter suggested we all contribute what we would have spent on Holly, to the Children’s Hospital to buy a camera for the nurses, so they could be trained to take photos… This helps keep Holly’s memory alive for us”.1
1. Quote from a participant of a series of Bereaved grandparent workshops held in 2015 at Red Nose Grief and Loss, Malvern, Victoria, and Red Nose Grief and Loss offices, Australia.
Red Nose is committed to supporting families navigating the complexities of the loss of a baby or child. To access our specialised bereavement support including: counselling, peer support programs, support groups, and resources tailored to individual needs, click here.
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