My husband Shaun and I are high school sweet hearts. We had talked about marriage and children together since we were 14 years old. Marriage, four children – the perfect number – and a house with a family vegie garden.
We were easily blessed with three gorgeous boys born in 2009, 2011 and 2013. And at the beginning of 2017 we knew we wanted our fourth more than anything, and again we blissfully fell pregnant with our dream come true.
But sadly it was not to be. At our 20 week scan, our daughter’s little body lay still on the screen in front of me – beautifully cradled inside my womb, but with no heartbeat.
Our world came crashing down.
Our parenting journey had ended in the most tragic of ways. We welcomed our daughter to the world in sobs of tears on 12 May 2017. That it was Mother’s Day weekend delivered us another devastating blow.
Those days were the hardest of days, a beautiful tragedy. We named our gorgeous fourth blessing Valarie, ironically meaning strong.
She will forever remain our fourth child, our greatest gift and we treasure the beautiful blissful moments we had with her in our lives.
And now we hold on to her memory and carry her in our hearts forever, she will forever be our dream come true even if we only held her with us for a short time.
The care we received around Valarie’s birth and death was mediocre – the type of care I would not wish upon anyone. There were a few kind hearted educated souls including our midwife that got us through, but we were left to feel alone and unsupported during those hard days.
Caring for our little girl
Once our daughter was born, we placed her little body in a handmade blanket I had stitched for her.
Knowing that she wasn’t coming home with us was hard, but a beautiful hand painted lined coffin was given to us. We felt overwhelmed that this tiny box was for our little girl, but felt the love and care that had gone into making it.
The love and care that was given to that coffin directly showed us that others – in amongst a world of stigma discussing stillbirth and infant death – cared for our little girl too.
We also received a beautiful pair of hand knit booties and a beanie, these we kept and they help us show our boys how little their little sister had been. They remain with us and are a very treasured sentiment.
I asked the Social Worker who these items has come from, these special gifts for our Valarie that had filled our hearts with love and care when we needed it the most. The answer was Treasured Babies, a section of Red Nose.
I had heard of Red Nose Day and worn a red nose during primary school, and knew it as a support and education network.
Treasured babies is such a special and necessary group, our much loved babies deserve the care they provide.
And just like that, the stars aligned
I work in an Op Shop and a volunteer donated a deb dress that we had placed for sale. Each day, I would walk past and look at the fabric knowing that it could be donated, but I just wasn’t sure how to do it.
Then Jane arrived at the shop one day, and the rest is history….
Jane [Red Nose Chief Midwife] and I started talking, and Jane mentioned that she works with Red Nose.
Now being well informed of all the important roles Red Nose plays, I knew it would be a safe space to mention my daughter’s name – it’s always a lovely moment when we get to mention Valarie’s name!
And just like that the stars aligned and I had found a way to get this beautiful dress to a beautiful organisation that gave us so much love during a time we needed it most.
Jane helped us donate the dress to the wonderful volunteers from the Treasured Babies program, so they can make more beautiful baby items from it.
I wanted to share this story – Valarie’s story, our story, and the story of so many families because we so thankful to have had Treasured Babies care for us. They lifted us through a very hard time.
Treasured Babies is a volunteer-run program within Red Nose Grief and Loss which provides appropriately-sized clothes and funeral items for babies. Find out how to donate items or volunteer.
Red Nose Grief and Loss provides specialised support for anyone impacted by the death of a baby or child. Call our 24/7 Support Line on 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss@rednose.org.au
