“Grief is odd. Like yesterday I looked at your picture and smiled. Today I cried.”

On the 2nd January 2021, my partner and I found out the best news. We were pregnant and expecting our first baby. It was such an exciting time, we soon decided to tell our close family and friends our very happy news. It was such a great feeling, we were going to be parents, something we had dreamed of for so long. We decided we would keep the gender a surprise, we loved guessing throughout the pregnancy.

Our little legend Aish arrived into this world on the 18th September 2021, arriving at 9.45 am, 50 cms long, after an 18 hour labour. Our firstborn that we were both eagerly awaiting finally was here, our dream of becoming parents was finally here, we made it. We could not wait to bring Aish home, for our family and friends to meet him, our son was so perfect and we were both so in love.

Our happiness and the best day of our lives, quickly turned into our worst nightmare. Not long after the birth, Aish was taken to NICU and then was transferred to the Royal Children’s Hospital, where we were told the worst news possible. Aish had a catastrophic brain injury that was irreversible, we were told our son would not survive this injury and to spend as much time with him. As parents to hear the words “Aish will die” was the worst news to be given less then 24 hours after meeting our beautiful boy.

No parent should ever endure being told they will lose their baby.

Aish died peacefully on the 22nd September 2021, five days after he was born. Our lives were instantly turned upside down.

Aish’s final moments were very special. We played “Over the Rainbow” as we gave Aish his first bath, dressed him and gave him endless amounts of kisses and cuddles. As he drifted off, we took him outside so he could experience fresh air and listen to the birds chirping for the first and last time.

“Instead of waking up to a crying baby, we were the ones crying in the middle of the night. The death of a baby is the worst possible trauma a human being can experience. No one should ever experience such heartache ever.”

People often say, the Mother must feel the loss even more. But in reality, the Father is experiencing just as much mental trauma. He too has lost his baby too. Who is to decide either is impacted more than the other? Its so important for Fathers to be supported just as much as the Mothers, as the parents are both on the journey of grieving there loss together. Never assume the Fathers are experiencing less pain, it’s just as much as rollercoaster for them dealing with a new wave of emotions and trauma.

“The loss of our son felt like the world was against us and we were the only people going through such a horrific ordeal. This is certainly not what we ever envisioned life as parents. “

Every day waking up still hurts, it always will, as the reality of Aish not being here is so tough. We want to make Aish proud of us by sharing our experience. As parents we feel very driven to share our story to normalise pregnancy and infant loss. We want to share our story so that people feel they can comfortably share their stories. If it helps others open up, it makes us feel like we have achieved something special as parents.

We wish our son Aish were here every day. As his parents, we will continue his legacy; he lives through us now. We are very proud parents and will love you forever, Aish, our guiding light in life.