In loving memory of Peanut

We never found out the gender of my baby as I only had our little one in my womb for 9 weeks but in my heart I feel she was a girl. My niece called her Peanut.


My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since we got married 4 years ago and turned to IVF in early 2020. Peanut was the little embryo who stuck with us on our third attempt in June last year, just as the lockdown in Sydney was beginning.

I had my first scan, and being an optimistic couple, we thought it would be fine for me to go on my own.

At my scan, I was told that Peanut’s heartbeat was slow and she was too small.

I walked away feeling very distressed.

A few weeks later, I started spotting. My GP referred me to the hospital, and I was sent to the early pregnancy clinic. Peanut’s amniotic sac had a small tear in it and I was put on bed rest straightaway.

Unfortunately, despite growing to the size where I could see her tiny heartbeat, a few weeks later, we lost our little Peanut just after my 39th birthday.

My husband and I sought support from Red Nose as our grief immense and we felt that we hadn’t received the support we’d hope for from some of our family and friends.

The team at Red Nose were wonderful and they really helped us to validate all our feelings and the grief we were experiencing.

We have since lost another pregnancy – that one only made it to a chemical. We are battered and bruised emotionally, but one thing we haven’t done is give up hope!