Love and loss are woven into my motherhood story. I have three beautiful children in my arms and five precious babies in the stars. I am sharing my story in the hope that it brings connection to those who are grieving, and understanding to those who have never walked this path.
My story is one of love and loss – forever intertwined.
After my two beautiful daughters, we dreamed of growing our family. Instead, we entered a season of heartbreak – thirteen months, three miscarriages and one frightening ectopic pregnancy. Again and again, I found myself deep in the trenches of grief – broken, misunderstood, and unseen.
Each loss shattered me in ways I can’t fully describe. I wasn’t just losing pregnancies – I was losing babies I already loved, futures I had already begun to dream of, and pieces of myself that went with them. But, even in the depths of grief, love was there too – fierce, unshaken, yet with no baby in arms to receive it.
Eventually, we turned to IVF, a journey filled with both fear and fragile hope. I count my lucky stars every single day for our beautiful son, who is now three years old. But even that story holds both love and loss – early scans showed that I either had a blood clot or was carrying another baby, a beautiful twin. The doctor tiptoed around confirmation, but my heart knew when the bleeding began.
My rainbow baby fills me with such deep gratitude, but my love for him does not erase my love for them. Love and loss coexist within me, yet love always takes up the most space.
To those still in the depths of loss and infertility: I see you, and you are not alone. I feel your heartache, and the unshakable love you hold for your babies. It is okay to carry both love and loss together. Your babies matter – they are loved, and they are forever remembered.
To those who haven’t experienced this kind of loss – family, friends, and those in medical roles supporting mothers through loss – please know that what grieving parents often need most is compassion, sensitivity, and acknowledgment: that our babies’ lives, however brief, hold meaning, and that our grief is valid.
Five and a half years on from my first devastating loss, I live with both grief and gratitude. I carry my precious stars in my heart, while making meaningful memories with the children I am so incredibly lucky to hold in my arms.
My story is one of heartbreak and hope – but above all, it is a story of love that lives on, even in grief.
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