Spending time with your baby after death is a very personal and an individual choice. Whatever you choose, it is essential to do only what is right for you. Spending time together may allow you to express your feelings for your baby and help you understand the reality of your baby’s death. However, you may choose not to do this.
Usually when family members or close friends die there are many memories of time spent together, which serve as a comfort for those who grieve for them. When you lose a baby, there are often very few memories of time together. You may wish to spend time with your baby to create these memories, naming him or her and doing for your baby some of the things you may have done in life.
It’s Alright To Be Unsure
You may be anxious about how your baby will look after death. You may feel scared and worried about seeing, touching and holding your baby. You may be concerned about any medical condition, or abnormality your baby may have, or the presence of incisions from a surgical procedure. Many parents experience these fears when their baby dies.
It can be helpful for health professionals to describe your baby’s appearance to you. They may also be able to provide a photograph of the baby. Sometimes you may feel unable to see your baby at a particular time, but may wish to do so hours or days later.
The utter sense of powerlessness that I felt while holding my beautiful little son and watching him die was crushing.
Recommended Reading
This article was prepared using extracts from “Stillbirth and Neonatal Death”.
booklet by and for parents whose baby is stillborn or dies soon after birth.
The full text is available online or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.
Red Nose is committed to supporting families navigating the complexities of the loss of a baby or child. To access our specialised bereavement support including: counselling, peer support programs, support groups, and resources tailored to individual needs, click here.
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