Your thoughts on another child may have changed
The loss of a pregnancy, stillbirth, death of a baby or child is perhaps the greatest tragedy that can occur to parents. You will be changed by this devastating loss, and you may find that your previous thoughts and plans about having another child will now also be affected.
There are many things you may be thinking
- You may be wondering when, or whether, you should have another child.
- You may be surprised by some of your own feelings and wonder if other parents have felt the same way.
- You may notice that you and your partner feel differently about whether and when to have another baby.
- You may be given advice by family, friends and others who have your best interests at heart, but the advice may not seem right.
It is important to know that:
You and your partner are the only people who know what is right for you… so have the confidence to believe in your feelings.
There is absolutely no right or wrong decision, only what is right for you. However, no matter what your decision is, there will be times of doubt, hesitation, fear and joy, and you may change your mind several times.
These articles aim to reassure you that, no matter how strange your thoughts and feelings may seem, other parents have probably had similar thoughts and feelings.
What families who have come before you had to say
“I remember, after Daniel died, receiving much unsolicited advice from various sources: ‘The best thing you can do is get pregnant right away; have another baby’. Alternatively: ‘You have to give yourself time to grieve for your baby; don’t try and replace him with another.’ Naturally I resented being told what ‘the best thing’ for us was.”
“I had made the decision to have another baby within 24 hours. I wanted to know if that was normal.”
“Any final decision is only final for today, tomorrow you may feel very different.”
This article was prepared using extracts from Another Baby? The Decision is Yours.1
The full text is available online here or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.
1. Bereaved Parents & SIDS and Kids Victoria. (2003). Another Baby? The Decision is Yours: A Booklet for Parents Whose baby or Young Child has Died and are Considering having Another Child. Malvern, Vic.: SIDS and Kids.
Red Nose is committed to supporting families navigating the complexities of the loss of a baby or child. To access our specialised bereavement support including: counselling, peer support programs, support groups, and resources tailored to individual needs, click here.
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