Taking time to listen to your child respects and validates their opinions and beliefs and provides a starting point for further conversations about what your child may believe happens after you die.

Explanations concerning life after death can lead to confusion. Try to be consistent in what you tell your child and what you believe, for example, to say that the baby is in heaven when it is obvious from other statements you have made that you do not believe in such a place, can cause confusion in the child’s mind. On the other hand, when you have beliefs that give you comfort, sharing them with your child can be reassuring.

When Kate died, I couldn’t answer all of the children’s questions. I was trying to figure out my own beliefs. I questioned everything. It’s important to say, ‘I don’t know’ – therefore your kids don’t see you as invincible. No-one really knows.

(Belinda)

They hadn’t really known anyone who had died, except the dog. They’ve got this idea of Heaven, because they wanted to believe in it. They say he’s up in the stars. It’s what they want to believe.

(Sharon)

When our little boy asks, ‘Where is Molly?’ I say memories are in our hearts.

(Jill)

Many families use the concept of heaven and the child who has died being a star.

(Belinda)

Death is a mystery — perhaps the most profound mystery of human existence. Children, like adults, will continue to grapple with its meaning and relevance all their lives.

This article was prepared using extracts from “What about the Other Kids?^“1. A booklet by and for parents of children whose brother or sister has died. The full text is available online or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.

_{^{1. Bereaved Parents & SIDS and Kids. (2005). What About the Other Kids? A Booklet by and for Parents of Children whose Brother or Sister has Died (D. Same, Com., M. Bannan, A. Faulkner, J. Foong, S. Foong, J. Frisina, L. Green, R. Green, …& H. Wilson, Illus.). Malvern, Vic.: SIDS and Kids}}.