I still remember every second.
In 2017, I was working full-time as a paediatric registrar, studying, and navigating a long and difficult fertility journey. Falling pregnant felt like everything I had fought so hard for was finally coming together. But at 22 weeks, my world changed in an instant. I had a placental abruption and was admitted to Mercy Hospital for bed rest. A few days later, I went into labour.
My baby boy was born weighing just 280 grams.
He was so tiny, far too early to survive, but for 67 minutes, he lived. He breathed on his own. He moved. It even looked like he tried to cry. In that short hour, he was here, and he was mine.
And then he was gone.
Even as a doctor, nothing prepared me for the grief that followed. Working in paediatrics, I thought I understood loss in some way, but this was different. Combined with the fertility struggles that came before and after, it broke me in ways I didn’t expect.
I still remember it all so vividly. The code pink with many people rushing into the room, thinking that the last time I heard this announcement in this hospital, I was part of the team rushing to the mother. This time, I was the mother.
I remember the pain as my body transformed in a way it wasn’t meant to so quickly or so soon.
I remember the compassion of my Obstetrician who took photos as we each held our boy.
I remember the kindness of the nurses afterwards, especially the one who held my hand as I cried.
I remember that literal and figurative feeling of utter emptiness, leaving the hospital with no baby.
That’s when I found support through Red Nose Australia.
I had known of Red Nose for years through safe sleep education and SIDS/SUDI awareness. As a doctor, I had used their resources with families. As a new mum later on, I even remember googling their fact sheets in the middle of the night. But I didn’t know about their grief counselling service until I needed it myself.
Someone in a medical mums pregnancy loss group mentioned it, and I reached out.
That support became a lifeline.
I was connected with a counsellor who truly understood this kind of loss, someone who knew what to say, and what not to say. During those early months, I could barely leave the house, so having those sessions over the phone was exactly what I needed. I continued with the same counsellor for over two years, through returning to work, through another pregnancy, and even after the premature arrival of our twins at 29 weeks.
I will be forever grateful for that support.
Today, I share my life with my husband, Julian, and our three daughters, our five-year-old and our three-year-old twins. Our home is full of life and love. But our son is always part of our family.
We only held him for 67 minutes, but we remember every moment in such detail, even eight years later. We think of him often, and our girls talk about their big brother, though they are still a little confused that he is a baby.
Supporting Red Nose Day means so much to me, both as a mum and as a doctor.
Why I support Red Nose
Red Nose grief counselling is the service no one ever wants to use, but if you need it, you are so glad it is there. Red Nose is a wealth of knowledge and support, providing vital resources to families, whether it is education for new parents or care for those facing the unimaginable loss of a baby. I have often used the Red Nose resources for years in Paediatrics for parental education, and even as a parent (the “what do I do when my baby starts rolling” fact sheet is one I remember googling in the middle of the night as a new Mum!)
By getting behind Red Nose Day, you are helping make sure that support is always there for families like mine.
To anyone going through something similar right now, I want you to know this:
Take the time to grieve. There is no rulebook for this kind of loss. It takes time, and it is unpredictable. Some days it will creep up on you, others will feel overwhelming from the start. Lean on your people when you need them, but know it is okay to say no, too.
And above all, be kind to yourself.
Sharing my story is one way I honour my son. Supporting Red Nose is another.
We are here for you.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Our team is here around the clock.
By phone, by chat, and through our online support library.
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